I’ve been playing this game on my iPad and PS3 for about 2 months combined. It’s an addictive little game, albeit rage inducing. Check out this series of videos to check out all of the Super Moves for the core characters. (Flash, Green Lantern, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Arrow, Aquaman, Deathstroke, Cyborg and the Joker!) Start at 1 and work your way through all of the episodes , with an appearance by Lobo in their also!
A game I’ve been waiting to get my grubby little paws on forever. I had really high expectations for this game – honestly, who didn’t at this point? And I was pleased to see that the game met those standards. For me, at least. I’ve read a lot of articles about this in the past few days, especially since I beat the game and I no longer fear the dreaded spoiler.
I really work hard to convey what I think of these games without spoiling anything for you guys. I know I hate reading spoilers in articles when I’m just trying to find out if a game seems like a fit for me.
Let’s book.
(Heh. Book.)
This handsome fella is Booker DeWitt (see why that was funny? HAR HAR, I slay me), the protagonist of our lovely tale. Your task is to find the girl, and erase your debt. You’re dropped off at a lighthouse in a terrible storm by a man and a woman, who do little to explain what you’re doing. Once inside the lighthouse, you’re greeted by silence, religious plaques on the walls, and a dead man bearing a warning for Booker.
After a short jaunt through the lighthouse, you find your path to Columbia, the city in the sky. This is one of my favorite scenes in the game. It’s gorgeous. The flight to Columbia, the landing, and the atmosphere once you set foot on the city is amazing. The murals, the muted singing, the candle-lit altars – it’s breathtaking. I’m getting chills just thinking about it.
Setting foot into the city is also a visual treat. The colors are lush, the floating city is a marvel. You quickly learn that today’s an important day, and there’s a fair and parade in celebration. Awesome, right? Who doesn’t like fairs and parades? Of course, you’re not here to sightsee – but how can you not? It’s beautiful. All business Booker has no choice but to go through the fairgrounds to find the girl, so you get to enjoy the festivities as well.
The people in the game chatter with each other, with you – and listening, you can hear them gushing about Zachary Comstock, their beloved Prophet and leader of the city – or dark rumblings of the sinister Vox Populi. Or some of them just talk about the weather, or the fair, or the parade. It’s fantastic to be in a city where the people actually seem lively and go about their business with or without you listening in. You creepy eavesdropper.
The fair is where you first learn about the vigors and all their fun. If you’ve played previous Bioshock titles, you’re used to these guys being called Plasmids. You get a free sample of Possession, which is super fun, and helps you continue on your quest for the girl. The fair is also where things go sour, and you realize that this beautiful city has a seedy, dark underbelly.
There are signs warning of a False Prophet, signs warning of the Vox Populi, rumblings from the crowds about their leader, Daisy Fitzroy. The secondary instigator of the Vox animosity is Jeremiah Fink, the man who monopolizes the industry in Columbia. Fink is a crony of Comstock, as it allows him to utilize the “lesser peoples” of Columbia as he sees fit. Fink doesn’t share Comstock’s religious views or zeal, and merely agrees with him as a means to an end. He’s also a supplier of the propaganda for the city, which is just another way for him to achieve his goals of cheap labor.
Walking through the fun towards Monument Island, Booker receives a mysterious telegram from his benefactors with a cryptic warning – that you really can’t do much to avoid. As you fumble towards doing exactly what you were warned not to, that’s when the game turns from idyllic walk in the park to a frantic paced shoot ‘em up (or skyhook ‘em up, if you prefer) as you try to avoid capture (or more likely, death) and reach your goal.
This girl is your goal, locked away in the statue of Columbia. Her name is Elizabeth, and she’ll be more partner than liability for you in this game. She’ll help you find ammo, health, salts (to power your Vigors), and she can pick locks for you, leading to sweet gear, money, and much more. She’s pretty, she’s sweet, she’s a little naïve, and she has some tricks up her sleeve that you might not expect.
I know that when I first heard that you’d be escorting Elizabeth around, I grumbled. All I could do is think about other games with escort missions and groan at the thought of an ENTIRE GAME being dedicated to making sure this one person gets from point A to point B alive. But, Irrational Games made Elizabeth amazing. She’s smart, she stays out of the way, warns you about big baddies, and as the game tells you – Elizabeth can take care of herself. Boy, can she.
The game pulls things from all aspects of us and our history – religious icons and imagery, historical figures and battles, and historical ugliness like racism. Columbia seems like a shining beacon of progress and ingenuity until you realize that it’s being built on the backs of slave labor. The Vox Populi are rallying against this cruelty, and are seen by a majority of the people you encounter as wrong.
Booker gets pulled into the fight between Comstock and the Vox (like he doesn’t have enough problems already?) and he needs their help to get Elizabeth out of Columbia. It’s a partnership of convenience, though it really doesn’t end as expected for either side. The Vox have been fighting Comstock and Fink for so long, that it seems that it’s no longer about the principle, it’s about making them suffer as the Vox have suffered.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, and it seems like Booker’s the only one that realizes what’s going on. It doesn’t stop him from trying to do right by Elizabeth, however – so he does as he’s asked by Daisy Fitzroy so he can save Elizabeth (and himself). As the game progresses, we’re given little snippets of the events that made Booker into the man he is today. He’s uncomfortable talking about his past, especially to Elizabeth, whom he instinctively tries to protect from ugliness.
There’s also collectables that I recommend finding (even though I haven’t gotten them all myself!): Voxophones and Kinetoscopes fill in some of the blanks for you. They give a little insight into some of the secondary characters like Fink and Fitzroy, and of course about Comstock and Elizabeth as well. If you don’t care about back story, hey, at least they give you achievements!
So, at this point, I’m just done talking about the game’s plot. I really think you guys should try it out yourselves – it’s such a great story and really well written. I don’t want to spoil anything, because every little piece fits into the bigger picture.
The game was so well-written. The dialogue was amazing, and the voice actors for Booker and Elizabeth were phenomenal. Their emotions were palpable, it was like watching actual people play out the story.
The music, the atmosphere, the visuals were all beautiful. The colors are vibrant, especially in contrast to the darker places (and themes) of the game. Like the other Bioshock games, the tone is an uneasy one. It’s not a good idea to settle in and get comfy when it’s been quiet for too long; usually something nasty is around the next corner.
I actually had a moment in game startle me so badly I screamed like I was being stabbed. I don’t even squeak at horror movies, but this game managed to scare the daylights out of me. It was unexpected, it was actually really unnerving. I can laugh about it now (and be prepared for it my next play).
The game also offers a reward (??) for beating the game once – 1999 mode. I was going to attempt a run at this, but after an hour and a really bad spawn point, I gave up. I’m going achievement hunting on easy, I think, because I’m not tough enough for that mode. Checkpoints are scares, enemies are extremely beefed up, and if you don’t have the coin to be revived in game, you’re sent back to your most recent checkpoint.
The checkpoint thing is my biggest beef with this and the other two Bioshock games. I hate not being able to save a game wherever I want/need. There were nights I was playing this game in a tired stupor, probably missing a lot of collectables/story/gear, just so I could slog through to the next checkpoint and get my save. On 1999 mode, they severely reduce your available checkpoints and it’s really kind of a pain in the ass.
So, my hat’s off to you if you’re going to attempt 1999, and it’s even farther off to you if you succeed at it. I like a challenge, but that’s a bit too much for me to stomach. I’m not the greatest at shooters, and when I get stressed I tend to get worse and worse at it. At heart, I’m just more interested in the story (and wanting to tear my hair out in frustration kind of takes the fun out of it), and this one is a hell of a wallop.
Should you play Bioshock Infinite? I say yes. It has something for everybody, I feel. Shooter, RPG, fun skills/powers, an amazing story, fantastic voice acting, and beautiful visuals. I give it a solid 10, and I also encourage anybody that hasn’t already to play Bioshock 1 and 2 as well, maybe even before Infinite. You never know what might tie in! (Well, I do, but I’m not telling.)
Until next time!
With the new release of Gears of War: Judgment, I find myself in unfamiliar territory.
As a person that usually sticks to single player games, it’s a weird experience to me when I stick my toes in the deep end. I generally don’t like interacting with people online. As I’ve said in previous columns, it can be weird or uncomfortable in the online gaming communities being a girl. I like to stick to my Skyrim, my Mass Effect, my Dragon Age, all by my lonesome.
But for some sadistic reason, I really enjoy playing Gears of War online. I don’t like the Call of Duty series; I REALLY don’t like Halo. But there’s something about the Gears of War franchise that calls to me, that I really love.
I like the feeling of triumph when I win a Gnasher battle. I enjoy being able to get a trick shot and kill someone with a grenade that they didn’t see coming. It’s fun for me to really go on a tear and be unstoppable for like five minutes, then go back to my usual job of schlubbing it. Maybe it’s the setting, maybe it’s the characters – I love you, Baird!! – but whatever it is, it’s the most fun I can have while playing with the big kids.
And that’s what today’s column is about – seriously guys, when did it become okay for kids to be playing games like this online? Playing the early access demo, I was sort of disheartened to hear little kids over the headsets, talking shit and cussing like it was no big deal.
Here’s the thing – I don’t mind cussing. I swear like a sailor. It’s a literal parade of profanities when I’m immersed in the Gears of War experience. I don’t mind violence. What bothers me is that I feel like these kids’ parents are neglecting their responsibilities. If I were to act or talk like that when I was a wee Kitty, I’d still be grounded.
I think it’s negligent for parents to allow their children to play games like this, especially online. Yeah, it’s old fashioned, but I think that kids today are just desensitized for the most part. They don’t think anything’s wrong with calling someone a racial slur, or using derogatory terms about gender, sexuality, anything to get a rise out of someone. They don’t realize that they’re acting like crappy human beings. Where’s the parental guidance?
The ratings are on these games for a reason. There’s plenty of warnings on the back that online interactions aren’t rated. You can run across the gamut of weird online, and I feel that up to a certain age, parents should at least attempt to keep their kids away from that sort of thing. Maybe even just supervise a little bit, and get them out when things get strange? Helicopter parenting is annoying, sure. To simply buy whatever game your kid wants without any regard to what they’re actually playing, hearing, or seeing is just as bad, in my opinion.
I worked at an entertainment store for a bit when I was younger, and when I was hired, that was one of the first things pounded into our heads during training. Always ask for ID. Always explain to the parent what they’re buying for their kids. It wasn’t that long ago, why isn’t that still in practice today? I mean, I got lectured by a mother because we had Slayer CDs for sale. I laughed about it at the time, and still do – because she was super pissed about something so silly – but now it makes me wonder. Where’s that kind of parent today?
It doesn’t just stop at video games. I get so annoyed when I’m walking into an R-rated movie, one that I’ve been waiting to see forever, and I see rows and rows of babies, little kids and teenagers who clearly shouldn’t be at this film. I really don’t think it’s appropriate to bring your 10 year old to see a Quentin Tarantino movie, or my favorite, the lady that brought her 3 year old to Rob Zombie’s “Halloween”, and then was morally offended when little Michael Myers beat a bully to death with a stick. Really?
Even though I’m not a parent, I understand that parents need to get out and have a social life. But, at the same time, I really don’t want to listen to Junior teethe and fuss while I’m trying to enjoy “Django Unchained” or “The Dark Knight Rises”. Hire a damn babysitter! Or if you insist upon bringing your kids to a movie, go see an age-appropriate film. Is that so hard to understand?
I’m just asking for a little responsibility from the parents, that’s all. Do they really want their kids sitting online and getting verbally abused by some dick because they’re not playing Call of Duty “the right way”? Is it okay that their kids are learning colorful ways to express their dislike of someone’s race, culture, gender, or sexual preference? The online gaming community can be a pretty harsh mistress if you’re not an uber-elite gamer in some circles. (That’s why I’m glad that there’s an Awful Gamer around to balance the karma!)
When I was a kid, my parents always knew what I was doing, where I was, and who I was with. Honestly, I’m not that old (though some days I feel like it), can culture really have changed that drastically? It makes me feel old to think this way, but it’s just sad. Sure, it was aggravating when I was a teenager to constantly be checking in with my parents, but I was safe, happy, and turned into a pretty well-adjusted adult. I can’t help but think that this lackadaisical parenting is just going to lead to jerky, selfish, hateful people in a few decades or so.
Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t think kids should get to play video games. It’s a perfectly fun hobby to have, obviously. I just think that parents could stand to be a little more mindful of what their kids are hearing online, or watching in their games. There are plenty of appropriate games for kids to play that are still fun without being overly childish.
Hell, plug in your old consoles and introduce them to the 8-bit generation – Mario, Zelda, Tetris, Sonic, Pac-Man. Even Q-Bert! But I have to be honest – that one makes me swear more than all the Gears of War games combined. (#@!* indeed, Q-Bert. You clumsy little shit.) Some of the most fun I had growing up with my little brother was time spent playing the old games. Teaming up to beat Mario 3, trying to do the fastest run through Mario 2, and especially trying to blue shell each other in Mario Kart. It’s possible to introduce the kiddos to games and have fun times without turning them into bloodthirsty psychopaths, honest!
Let me know your thoughts on this in the comments, and as always, thanks for reading! We here at the Awful Gamer appreciate your reader/viewership and your participation in our madness. It wouldn’t be half as fun without you guys! Until next time, stay Awful!
I think this one might break the Fangirl Meter, guys.
I tried so hard to be apprehensive about this DLC. I was, for a little bit. But the more I read about the “Citadel” DLC, the more excited I got. Promotional pictures included Urdnot Wrex, my krogan brother from another species from Mass Effect 1. The devs were promising time to bond with your crew, your loved one, and a sweet apartment. As I’d been burned before by rays of hope – yes, the extended cut stuff did make the game better, but not the better I would have liked – I tried to remain neutral.
I was worried for nothing! Now, I will admit when stuff sucks in this review. I tried to be as objective about this as possible. I found that a little easier to do, because to be honest, I was expecting this to suck. I guess I lost a little faith in BioWare. So, strap in, and let’s go!
The DLC starts out like all of your ME3 missions – you receive an email from Admiral Hackett requesting your presence at Admiral Anderson’s apartment on the Citadel. (Note: You can’t start the DLC until after the Citadel coup. I recommend playing up until Chronos Station – which is the 2nd to last mission. That way, you’ll have all your squadmates available!)
Like a good soldier, Shep obeys, and soon you’re eyeballing the rather swanky pad that Anderson’s been hiding. The premise here is a little flimsy; Normandy needs repairs and the Alliance needs Shepard at 100%, so here, have a free apartment! Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Shepard graciously takes the apartment off of Anderson’s hands and settles in. The apartment is amazing. It’s pretty big – I got lost a lot on my first run through.
After you’re done exploring your new secret hideout – mostly nosing around in Anderson’s notes for his biography, one of which contains a great “your mom” joke – you’re repeatedly annoyed by the apartment’s VI until you check your email.
Joker’s (Jeff Moreau, Normandy’s brittle-boned ace pilot, for those of you not in the know) already making the most of his shore leave and has invited Shep to the hottest sushi restaurant on the Citadel. I chose, as Fem!Shep, to put on my “little black dress” for my sushi date with Joker. I mean, when else am I going to have the chance to be girly with her? It was a fun choice.
To avoid spoilers for the story DLC, I’m just going to kind of gloss over it with a general description of it. Plus it would take for like, ever! I don’t want anyone going all “TL;DR” on me.
The plot goes as follows – an Alliance officer has discovered that someone is trying to steal Shepard’s identity. Dinner is ruined by heavily armed mercs, Shep falls out of a fish tank. (And then you never hear the end of how you ruined the best sushi place on the Citadel. Sigh.) After a really fun solo fight through the Citadel in a dress with a pistol and no medi-gel, Shepard and crew are on the case.
You get to infiltrate a casino, all James Bond style – I took Garrus along as my date, because why the hell not? It gained me some pervy but adorable Garrus comments. The highlight of this had to be the portion where you’re rushing through the Citadel archives. It’s neat because your whole crew is with you. You have your two players – Wrex and Garrus for me – and then the rest of your crew breaks up into Team Hammerhead and Team Mako. Well played, writers! The Hammerhead sucks, by the way. They bicker and banter back and forth, and it’s full of genuine laugh out loud moments. The last mission is a McGuyver-esque romp through the Normandy.
Best entrance into the DLC belongs to Wrex. He falls out of who knows where to knock a shuttle filled with mercs out of the air. In true krogan style, he then kicks the shit out of all of them and swoops in to rescue Shepard and Garrus, who are pinned down by the hired goons. Wrex also has some of the best lines in the DLC, which is impressive, considering all the good ones that are sprinkled about. Uncle Wrex brings the boom, kiddies!
I will admit that the “big bad” of the story is kind of cliche and contrived. There are a few things that you should see coming a mile away. I know I did, but it doesn’t take away from the fun, good parts of the storyline. It was a little lackluster and kind of M. Night Shyamalan, but hey, the story isn’t why I wanted this DLC in the first place, so I won’t complain too much. I wanted more time with my friends and love interests. I’m easy to please.
So, now that you’ve finished the plot, you get to the good stuff. Joker and Shepard decide that the best way to celebrate their actual shore leave is to have a party. While you’re in your apartment, you get messages from your crew, asking you to come over, or go hang out at the casino/arcade/whatever with them.
My favorite was the date with Garrus. The pair of Vakarian and Shepard awkwardly roleplay that they’re meeting for the first time at a bar – which is so cute – and then Garrus surprises Shepard with a spin on the dance floor. Apparently, your boy has been learning to tango! Shepard can’t dance – and gets made fun of so many times in the game because of it – but together, they manage to draw a crowd, and a standing ovation at the end. It was such an adorable scene. Garrus is finally confident with his beautiful, strong human girlfriend. D’awww.
Other favorites were Zaeed getting pissed at a claw machine, Javik’s “vid” co-starring Blasto, the jellyfish Spectre, saving Grunt from the wrath of C-Sec, and, surprisingly, spending time with Miranda at the casino. They made Miranda more likeable, more personable in this, and some of my favorite scenes were with her.
The party was a fun addition to the DLC as well. You can choose a quiet party – BORRRINGGG – or you can choose to throw a rager like I did. As the night progresses, you can talk to your squad and watch them get drunker and drunker. The dialogue is hilarious. From Tali calling Garrus a nerd to Wrex declaring that Joker not having practiced firing a gun recently is a “man emergency”, there are so many great lines. I spent a good hour and a half just wandering and listening to all the conversations.
Of course, this wouldn’t be BioWare without things that tug at your heart. So, this is the portion that may get a little spoilery. RUN AWAY LEST I RUIN THINGS FOR YOU!
Last warning!!
Going back to the Normandy, you get to have a brief conversation with your love interest. Shep seems pretty introspective, almost morose, saying that it’s probably the last party they’ll ever throw. Garrus, always the optimist, insists that Shep will find a way to beat the Reapers, and they’ll be together after the war’s over. He says it’s never been easy, but it’s been one hell of a ride. Shepard smiles softly, and says, “The best.”
Ohh, my feels! Especially knowing the endings? Guh. Kick in the quad. Of course, the whole time, the sad piano music is playing in the background. You devious bastards.
Another thing that made me cry big sobby tears was waking up after the party and finding a datapad next to Shepard’s bed. A recording of Mordin comes up, who informs Shepard that he recorded some of his exploits for her, in the event that he died. Which he does, curing the genophage for the krogan, which is horribly sad. I’ve played that part probably six times, and I still cry. Every. Time. The saddest part of this was a little clip of him singing “Amazing Grace.” I’m tearing up just thinking about it, you guys. It broke my heart.
There were funny clips on there – one of Mordin on a kid’s show, setting puppets on fire, and a film noire style story of one of his exploits on Omega. There’s also more singing – if you’ll recall, he did a little Gilbert and Sullivan in ME2. The whole thing was perfect, but good lord, the FEELS. I am seriously glad I was home alone when I found this, because I was a mess.
BioWare addressed the elephant in the room, sort of – the death of Thane. You receive an email from his son, Kolyat, asking you to speak at his father’s memorial service. Ow, my heart. Shepard gives a very sweet eulogy, and then various crew members talk about their experiences with Thane. You also get three videos from Kolyat that Thane tried to send to Shepard after he left the Normandy. You’ll get four if you romanced him, and apparently, that fourth one is a doozy.
I haven’t been brave or foolish enough to put in a Shepard that romanced Thane, because non-romanced Thane makes me cry like I dropped my ice cream cone. I’m just glad that he got a little more love, even if it was after he died. I’ll miss you, Thane.
And lastly, the romance scene with Jack was surprisingly touching. I watched most of the clips on YouTube of romances I don’t have – Steve Cortez, Samantha Traynor, Miranda, Tali, Jack – and Jack’s was the sweetest. She tattoos Shepard while telling him the story of how she almost didn’t find one of her injured students because she had nothing to identify her. Jack finishes the tattoo, and starts crying as she tells Shep the intent of her sweet ink – so she can find him if something goes wrong. OH MY GOD JUST STOMP MY HEART SOME MORE GUYS
So, in this writer’s humble opinion, “Citadel” was totally worth the price. It was huge, it was fun, it was bittersweet. It brought a sense of closure to Commander Shepard, and I think after I finally get that damn Master and Commander achievement, any other playthroughs I do will end here, on the Citadel, so that Shepard and her friends can stay together, and I can pretend that I got the happy ending I so desperately wanted for my Shepards. “Citadel” is a more fitting end to the legend of Shepard than the game to me, so that’s what it’ll be from now on.
Should you buy this? Absolutely, if you’re a Mass Effect fan and you want to give Shepard the proper send off. You get to foil a villain, throw a kick ass party, and spend time with your friends. Who doesn’t like that?
Thanks as always for reading – this one was a little beefy – I’m Commander Kitty, and this is my favorite DLC (and ending) for Mass Effect 3.
“I should go. I SHOULD go? I should go? Do I really sound like that?”
Yesterday, I was given a bit of news that was surprisingly awesome. The final DLC for the much maligned Mass Effect 3 will be out – and it sounds like it’s purely fan service. The devs have stated on Twitter and on BioWare’s official forums that this DLC came about by listening to feedback from the fans.
Shepard will finally get his or her own apartment on the Citadel – prime real estate, until the next galactic threat blows it to hell, anyway! Shepard will get to “rekindle romances” with old paramours (saucy!), blow off steam in a fighting arena, and even waste all those war assets in a casino. Sounds amazing, right? Fan service DLC for one of the more rabid, hard to please fanbases out there?
WRONG!
Within minutes of this DLC being announced, BioWare’s notoriously toxic forums were filled with complaints, most of them petty and immature. Gems like “It doesn’t fix the endings, I’m not buying it!” or “Why would Shepard take downtime in the middle of a galactic war? THATZ LAME GUYZ”
Really, guys? I mean, I was really, really upset with the original endings to Mass Effect 3. In fact, a few months ago, I would have been grousing with all the rest of you. My dear husband started his Mass Effect 3 play a few weeks ago, and he had the benefit of the Extended Cut DLC. I watched almost all of the endings, and I have to say that while I consider only one the “good” ending, the rest of them that I saw were pretty satisfactory.
BioWare extended a hell of an olive branch with that DLC. Most of the giant plotholes and questions were answered in a few slides, complete with narration. Sure, you can argue that it should have been one giant cut-scene (and why wouldn’t you argue, you little BioWare snowflake you?) but honestly? I thought the slides were a nice touch. They explained what happened after the final conflict, they were often sweet and touching. They were hopeful, opposed to the original endings, which were just bleak and depressing.
…Yes, I cried, now shut up and let me ramble some more.
So, being of mostly sound mind and body (except for this hip injury that’s DRIVING ME CRAZY), I was really confused by the reactions that this DLC has brought about. For months, the people on the BioWare forums have been begging and cajoling for more time with their virtual sweethearts, more time with the crew from Mass Effect 2. This DLC has that! Two of the people shown in the promotional pictures are Wrex and Miranda, everybody’s favorite genetically modified Barbie doll.
I realize that it might be a bit odd for Shepard to take time out to go become The Baddest Human in the Galaxy in the fight arena, or a professional gambler, or just waste time decorating his/her apartment. I get that. It’s a full scale war, lives are at stake, Earth is in danger, and Shepard is (once again) the only one that can save everybody’s ass from the fire.
But wasn’t it also strange that in the first game, Saren just waited for you while you were off investigating anomalies on planets, or scanning for minerals or asari writings? In part two, the Collectors kindly sat back and waited for you to make sure your crew was loyal to you, and even took a breather while you helped Liara battle the Shadow Broker. Aww, they weren’t so bad, were they? Poor little fellas.
Honestly, I think it’s nice that they’re giving Shepard something to do that isn’t fretting over the fate of the entire frigging galaxy for once. I mean, the poor guy/gal has been concerned with that for like four years! Shepard doesn’t get vacations! No sick days! You’re going to begrudge giving the poor sod some time off with his/her friends? Jerks! Why’s it always gotta be so serious?
Some of my favorite parts of the games are where it’s not so serious, where there’s a little levity. Drinking with Dr. Chakwas (that lady can put away her brandy, folks), playing Skyllian Five poker and card sharking the engineering guys, the date with Garrus on top of the Citadel? All awesome.
Okay, now, to be fair, I do have a small complaint about this myself. It’s a little spoilery – so if you haven’t played the game yet, get out of here. I’ll wait. I’ll just put on some Lady Gaga while you take your leave.
You still here? I’m serious. Go away!
They gone? Okay. Apparently, the Citadel DLC takes place in the game anytime after the Citadel coup. Now, that might not mean much to you lucky ones that didn’t romance Thane like I did (on two of my Shepards, no less!) – but you guys that did know what that means.
During the coup, Thane is stabbed by sexy-voiced but sadly ugly Cerberus ninja Kai Leng. Sigh. Since Thane is already sick with drell-specific Kepral’s Syndrome, he can’t recover from the wounds, and dies after the conflict is resolved.
FROWNY FACE. I had a glimmer of hope yesterday before I saw the timeline that maybe my poor loveless Shepards would have some time with Thane before the end of his life, but I guess not. The best those two ladies will get is a shag in a hospital broom closet, and then hook back up with Kaidan after Thane is dead, or something. How depressing. Hey Kaidan, you’re her second choice, but he’s cool with it. Such a nice guy.
Sure, Thane dies honorably, and it’s fitting for the character, but for a guy (frog?) that really seemed to be designed to make the ladies swoon over him, it doesn’t seem right. So, you can put me in the “Still Righteously Angry About Thane” camp with regards to this DLC.
I still don’t know what this means for lady Shepards that romanced Jacob, only to be taken to Dumpsville when you see him A MERE THREE MONTHS LATER. I’m guessing he’s still with the girl that he left you for, then knocked up. Jacob, you suck. I don’t care how nice your abs are, you’re a butthole. You’re a bad person and you should feel bad!
I will say, that deep down, I’m hoping that there’s a chance for my renegade girls to hook up with Zaeed for a dirty one night stand. What? Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking the same thing as soon as you met him. Let’s check the “Make Kitty Swoon” list: Sexy voice/accent, check. Scars? Check. Grumpy/Emo/Sullen personality: double check! He’s good, folks!
But I think I’m in a seriously small (weird) minority on that one, so I’ll just let that one go the way of more time with Thane. Hopefully the people that romanced Miranda and Jack will get some more time with them as well. I didn’t romance either of them, so I don’t know how they played out, but I think they also got short-changed, though not as badly as Thane or Jacob romancers.
So, I’m repenting for most of my anger at BioWare for Mass Effect 3. I’m still angry as hell about Thane though, so you guys are getting the Kitty Frown of the Week for that one. You had a chance to fix it, and you just said, “Eh, whatever”. (haha, “eh”, because they’re Canadian, how punny) Not cool. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to throw a tantrum, or not buy a DLC that sounds really fun, and like a proper sendoff to Shepard because of it.
See kids, you can disagree without being petulant! Polite discourse gets you a lot more respect and attention compared to throwing a fit and holding your breath until you get what you want. Maybe as more gamers find that out, we won’t all be lumped together as entitled crybabies. And wouldn’t that be nice?
As always, thanks to all the readers! Subscribe to the site to always be the first kid on your block (and therefore the coolest) to know when The Awful Gamer has something new for you to enjoy! We appreciate you guys bunches, you’re the best fans around.
The day after Valentine’s, and I still feel all romantic and full of love! I return to my regularly scheduled Kitty-nonsense after SRS BUSINESS last week with new spewing of words! This week’s column is dedicated to one of my favorite series, Dragon Age, and the plethora of love stories you can experience within.
Let’s get ready to smoooooooch!
First up, we have the King of Ferelden (and the king of most of my Grey Warden’s hearts, gag) – Alistair Therin!
Alistair is my favorite romance from Dragon Age: Origins for so many reasons. He’s charming, shy, totally awkward around the ladies, but at the core, is a guy who isn’t afraid to do what’s necessary to survive. (Like sleep with a tarted up witch named Morrigan so we both survive the end of the game, harrumph)
A former Templar, Alistair was raised in the Chantry (Dragon Age’s version of the church) and doesn’t have a lot of worldy experience. Flirting with him makes him bashful, but eventually he gives you a rose (D’AWWWWW) and informs you that he’s falling for you, despite the world falling down around you.
Now, just because he’s a simple Chantry boy doesn’t mean he doesn’t get mad if you’re flirting with other party members. He gets jealous and you will have to choose if you’ve been tarting it up with either Lelianna or Zevran. If you play your cards right, and choose the proper Origin story, the game can end with you and Alistair as the triumphant victors, and King and Queen of Ferelden. Yeah, that’s my default Dragon Age story. I’m a sucker for Alistair, what can I say? Any other way seems weird.
Next up, from Dragon Age 2, Fenris!
A little back information, for those not in the know – Dragon Age 2 introduced the Friendship and Rivalry system. Actions that your Hawke takes within the game awards you points towards either end of the spectrum, and it might seem like Rivalry is a bad thing, in a game where you need companions to get by, but I’m here to tell you, that with Fenris, Rivalry is giggity. I mean, great.
Fenris is an elf from the Tevinter Imperium, on the run from his former master. His master, a mage, used a painful ritual on Fenris to imprint lyrium (the stuff that makes the mages more powerful) into his skin. Fenris is understandably hates all mages. Doesn’t matter if you’re off shooting rainbows at orphans or giving kittens wings, he hates your face. He also gets sore if you help mages in your travels throughout Kirkwall.
My favorite story for Fenris is a Mage Hawke. He hates your guts! You’re the epitome of everything he despises, and yet, if you play your cards right, he somehow falls passionately in love with you. The dirty kind of passion, throwing you up against walls and the rough stuff. (No comparisons to 50 Shades of Twilight Fan Fiction, or I’m coming to your house and kicking you in the shin)
It’s unconventional, it’s the kind of romance that Lady Gaga sings about, and to me, it’s one of the best written romances in the game. Even if you aren’t at odds with him (which isn’t as fun), he’s still the sweetest of the bunch. It actually feels like he genuinely cares, and isn’t just looking for a place to hide (Anders), or relying on Hawke because she’s been cast out by her people (Merrill). His talk (and kiss!) with you at the end of the game still makes me go “aww”, even though I’ve beaten it like a hundred times.
Another from Dragon Age 2, Isabela!
HAH! Didn’t see that one coming, did you? In Dragon Age 2, along with the Friendship and Rivalry, there was the pretty interesting development of Bi-sexual Protagonist! I like to call it “Hawke-Sexual”. Either gendered Hawke can experience the thrill of romance with any of the available characters: Fenris, Anders, Merrill, and Isabela. (Sorry to all you Varric fans; I’m sad he wasn’t available too.)
Isabela was actually in Origins as well, in a small cameo in Denerim’s brothel, the Pearl. She can teach your rogue the Duelist specialization, and you can “get to know her” better as well. If you engage in menage a trois with Isabela and Alistair, there’s some humorous dialogue later in Dragon Age 2, when the King comes to visit the Champion of Kirkwall. A fun little easter egg for geeks like me who pretty much did everything in both games. Hah! Pun intended.
Isabela is a pirate queen, though one that currently lacks a ship. She’s an interesting character – flirtatious, bawdy, drunk, typical pirate – but she’s also very important to the plot of the first half of the game. Now, I don’t want to spoil anything, but suffice it to say, if you’re not careful with Isabela, you could lose her in a variety of ways.
Friendship is best for Isabela, in my humble opinion. She’s cheeky, always cracking jokes, and appreciates a sarcastic Hawke. The first time the two of you “take a tumble”, she wants it to be strictly for fun. It can work, if you have your eye on someone else; Isabela certainly doesn’t mind being your one night stand. But if you bring feelings into the matter, Isabela gets conflicted. She explains her sad history to you, but your Hawke gallantly declares he or she loves her just the same.
It’s sweet to see the positive influence of Hawke on Isabela. She of course falls for you, and threatens bodily harm if you leave her, but in the end, you’ve won your pirate queen. She’s my second favorite from Dragon Age 2, because unlike the rest, she’s resistant to love. I really like the ones you have to work for, it almost seems like a more realistic story, rather than “Hey, you’re pretty cute, let’s be in love?”
And that leads me to Anders! Anders is still an okay choice, but he’s a little bit of a disappointment to me. He was first introduced in Origin’s expansion called Awakenings. In that, he’s a wise-cracking, flirtatious trouble-making mage. All the girls were clamoring for him. He had all the charm of Alistair, but none of the shyness.
(Old Anders frowning at New Anders)
Anders in Dragon Age 2, however, is a changed man. No longer irreverent, Anders is dead-set against stopping the tyranny of the templars against the mages. He took a spirit of Justice into his body (also a character from Awakenings) and is no longer the fun-loving flirt you once knew. It was sad to finally get what you wanted, but not quite how you thought it would be.
He’s very serious, and tries numerous times to warn you away from him. But, as always, if you’re determined, you make him crazy enough that he can’t resist your Hawke anymore. The Anders relationship is weird. He tries to scare you off, but then as you get to know him, you can sort of see him becoming obsessed with what happens to Hawke, especially a mage-supporting one.
Anders also just moves himself into your house in Act 3 of the game. Ostensibly, it’s to protect him – mages in the Dragon Age world are supposed to be locked in towers, keeping them safe from demons. Anders is a rebel, free of the mages and hiding from the fierce Knight Commander Meredith. I feel like it’s kind of weird. I’d rather have Fenris move in, but he stays in his own stolen mansion. Isabela stays at the Hanged Man. Merrill also moves in, because she’s living in an alienage (basically a slum for elves).
I don’t know. It was a wish fulfilled, of sorts, but it was definitely an example of be careful what you wish for. Everybody wanted Anders, until they got this particular Anders. I just hope that Dragon Age 3 gives us Cullen – but not the way that they gave us Anders.
Well, that about wraps it up for this week’s rambling! Thanks again to everybody who reads my articles, I really appreciate it. Thanks to Pan1c and Eno for keeping me around, too! I braved more creepy fan art on the internet for you guys, but I do it because I care! (Also, it makes me laugh, really hard.)
A weird thought occurred today. We all remember that kid in elementary school (or maybe even middle school) that when he peed in the urinal, he would pull his pants all the way down!!! What age do you think he stopped doing that and what made him stop??? Leave us your answers below!
Last week on our YouTube page, I put together a video guide for how to play a Sith Sorcerer healer in Star Wars: The Old Republic.
I’ve had about two weeks now of being a level 50 sorcerer, and I have to say I’ve really enjoyed it. I was able to put together my knowledge of the build with my previous knowledge of operations bosses, and I am now able to heal Terror From Beyond Hard Mode! Of course, having an alt or two helps – I was able to gear up immediately – but in large part, I was able to jump right in and excel because I followed the principles I will lay out in this guide. If you’ve been playing SWTOR as a DPS or a tank for a while, you might start to get bored with the game; it’s quite natural that once you’ve done the same thing for a while, you want to try something new. I’d highly recommend trying out sorc healing.
Obviously, this guide is relevant to Jedi Sages as well – just translate the skills I list and you’ll be good to go.
After the jump, I will walk you through how to level your character, how to set up your skill tree, how to gear out your sorcerer, and how to… well, heal.
As gamers, we’re always obsessed with being the best. Having the best gear, the most achievements/trophies, the best machine possible to run our games. There’s always been a battle of sorts between PC gamers and console gamers.
I’ve never seen any point to it. There are pros and cons to each side. I have both. I have an XBox 360, a Playstation 3 (that collects dusts and plays my Blu-Rays), and a computer that’s adequate for any games I might play on it. Upstairs, we have a museum of consoles – Atari 2600, Nintendo, Super Nintendo, N64, GameCube, Wii, XBox, Playstation, Playstation 2 – so I guess despite having the ability to use my computer, you could put me in the console camp. The non-argumentative console camp.
We totally understand that sometimes, you have to have a social life. We don’t like it, but we get it. So, while you were away doing (less) important things, this is what we were up to!